Many people are aware of step-parent adoptions in which a person may legally adopt his or her spouse’s children in order to become a legal parent. However, there is also an option for same-sex couples as well as non-married couples: second parent adoption. The premise remains the same in that it allows the adopting parent to become a legal parent of the child. Due to recent law changes allowing gay and lesbian couples to marry in many states, it is important to consider the importance of second parent adoptions in light of these changes.
Continue Reading

I’ve blogged before about different elements of pre-nups and how to approach making one with your significant other. However, the focus of pre-nups is usually about opening up communication channels and building a foundation for a healthy marriage. I recently read an article in the New York Times which focused on “no-nups” – agreements that couples enter into without an upcoming wedding. The no-nup is essentially a cohabitation agreement which is a legal agreement made by two people choosing to live together. As fewer couples look to walk down the aisle, cohabitation is becoming more commonplace. Although a no-nup may be formed for a couple with no intent to marry, the underlying principle remains the same – for each party to know “where they stand” and to be protected no matter what the relationship may bring.
Continue Reading

Most of us have listened to friends complain about an unflattering picture that their significant other posted of them on a social media site. In this digital age, people not only take more and more pictures of everyday events, but people are sharing the images through Facebook, Instagram, and any other social media sites they can get their hands on. Maybe your friend’s significant other catches them at a bad time but loves the picture and posts it anyway – your friend gets mad, but then it usually blows over, right? Couples are now entering into agreements that can prevent this whole ordeal in the first place – the “Social Media Pre-Nup.”
Continue Reading

hand-holding-1-912758-m.jpgThe term ‘co-parenting’ has almost become a buzzword that appears in different magazines and in segments by celebrity doctors and specialists on television. Co-parenting is essentially what it sounds like – parents sharing the responsibilities and duties of raising their child. Co-parenting comes into play when the parents are not in a relationship with one another – whether separated, divorced, or never having formalized the relationship.

Using a carefully thought out co-parenting plan helps parents create a unified front in terms of taking care of and relating to the children. Many parents are able to set aside their own conflict and act as a team for the sake of the children. This seems incredibly reasonable and understandable, but the question remains: How can parents actually form this united and unified front?
Continue Reading

our-special-day-888623-m.jpgIt’s no secret that saying the word, “pre-nup” to a newly engaged person often brings on a whole range of emotions. To many people, suggesting a pre-nup is effectively the same as questioning their loyalty to their future husband or wife. There is often an assumption that suggesting a pre-nup basically amounts to telling your future spouse to prepare in advance for the marriage to fail. However, pre-nups provide a wide range of benefits to each person and can also be a valuable communication tool between future spouses. When I hear of newly engaged couples spending hours and exorbitant sums of money on hall rentals, flowers, and wedding attire, it boggles my mind that important conversations about finance and future lifestyles are very often avoided. A pre-nup can be more than just an agreement; it can be a process that allows the engaged couple to discuss ideas, concerns, and expectations for the relationship, which can help reduce stress and help to build a strong relationship moving forward.

Pre-nup is short for prenuptial agreement and provides a framework for distribution of assets in the event of the marriage dissolving. It can also spell out the rights and responsibilities of each party. This is an official definition that people turn to when discussing the possibility of a pre-nup, but it is important to understand that any definition you look at simply scratches the surface of what a pre-nup can do for you. Because a pre-nup, much like any agreement, will be tailored specifically to you and your future spouse, it can be hard to spell out exactly what every benefit will be.
Continue Reading

Now that most of the dust has settled from news of former NY Governor Eliot Spitzer’s divorce settlement, it seems like a good time to address the details.

For those unfamiliar with the situation, Eliot Spitzer served as New York’s 54th Governor and was only in office for a little over a year before a sex scandal was brought to light, forcing Spitzer into resignation. News broke in March of 2008 that Spitzer was a frequent patron of an elite escort service in New York City. Details continued to emerge, including allegations that Spitzer was involved with a prostitution ring in the city. A memorable image from Spitzer’s press conferences was his wife, Silda Wall Spitzer, who stood, stone-faced, by her husband throughout the whole ordeal.

man-woman-heart-1-1056037-m.jpg

Silda Wall Spitzer’s allegiance and loyalty to her husband became another storyline. Then, in 2013, Spitzer announced that their marriage was ending, and the divorce was filed in January of 2014. Between the initial scandal breaking and other details emerging in the following years, the question was definitely not why, but more of how the divorce would play out.
Continue Reading

next-srb-1053952-m.jpgMany people reinvent themselves in one way or another during and after the divorce process. For some, a move to a different place is in order, for others even a simple revamping of their wardrobe or new look helps as a new beginning. However, some people are forced to deal with the stressful task of reentering the workforce, when they might not have worked outside the home for an extended period of time during their marriage. Although both men and women can experience this, there are a higher number of women that need to reenter the workforce after divorce.

While it is no secret that the job market is less than stellar, there are certain things that people can keep in mind that may make the job search a little less stressful. A good first step is to clarify goals and priorities. The next step is to make an honest assessment of experience and skills. It can be very helpful to enlist the aid of a qualified professional, such as a vocational counselor or career coach, to help you examine your top interests, the skills you want to employ, and the best work environment. They can also help you assess projected income and benefits. Gaining information about interviewing, resume preparation and internet research will help you plan for a smart transition. A good way to find a vocational counselor or career coach is to ask your matrimonial lawyer for a referral.

Social media is also utilized by the majority of people. Many of us are familiar with the friend requests, constant invitations to use a certain app or game, and the countless photo albums that our family and friends post online. However, using social media as a networking tool can be incredibly valuable in the job search. Depending on your background, reaching out to people you know in your own field can help get you in the door for interviews and even jobs. If you don’t necessarily have a job history and are looking for your first job, it will be still be useful to reach out to people that you know – they may be able to offer you some insight into how to decide what to apply for, and how to sell yourself in the interview.

Speaking of social media, technology itself has evolved immensely over the years. Depending on when your last job was, there is undoubtedly at least some new techniques that are being used with a newer technology. It is important to not let yourself get intimidated by this! You probably know at least a few people who are more than willing to “show you the ropes” with some technology, and there is a slew of online courses offered by companies as well as community colleges so that you can become more versed on different software and processes.
Continue Reading

Blog -winter-snow-storm-2.14.2014.jpgA simple Internet search of “National Divorce Month” will result in a stack of articles discussing how lawyers encounter a heavy volume of calls right after the holidays, giving January the unfortunate moniker of ‘National Divorce Month.’ 2014 has been no different. Last month we once again saw divorce attorneys writing about how the phones began to ring off the hook once the holiday season officially ended. On the surface, it makes sense. Many couples choose to prolong beginning the divorce or separation process until after the already busy and stressful holidays are over. It can be especially difficult for couples with children, because parents are hesitant to interrupt the child’s holiday with news of a divorce. Many people tend to look at the New Year as a “fresh start” and a chance to begin again, so choosing to begin the divorce process in the New Year seems like the best alternative.

Is there ever really a “right” time to initiate a divorce or separation? Many articles written about January divorces point to the many reasons why people choose to begin the process at that time, and why it makes sense to wait until after the holidays. The most important thing, though, is for the spouses to evaluate their own marital life and family. Several of my blogs have made mention of the fact that every family is different and thus, every divorce is also different. This rings true no matter what the highest divorce month may be.

The decision to divorce or separate is an important one, to say the least. Every couple has considerations to keep in mind before deciding if divorce is the right path to take. In making an assessment of the marital life as well as family life, couples should make sure to have open and honest communication, and not rush the process. Some couples find it helpful to sit down with a couples’ counselor or mediator in order to really get everything on the table. A very important aspect of assessing the situation is to become educated on all of the options available. Taking an active role in decision-making is helpful in reaching decisions about what to do.
Continue Reading

There are many different opinions on divorce and its prevalence in our modern society. However, when looking through history or even talking with people of different generations, it is clear that divorce has evolved over the years. It got me to thinking – what are the real roots of divorce in America?

Researching the history of divorce sounds like a quite bland task, but through the course of my reading, I discovered that it was anything but tedious. A woman named Caroline Norton is an important figure, especially in Europe, for being instrumental in divorce legislation in the 1800’s in England. Europe views Norton as being important in Europe, but for history in general. divorce-1122707-s.jpg

The grounds for divorce in the 1800’s in England were few and carried extreme penalties. A couple could be granted a separation through nullity, impotence, insanity, or [potential] incest. If one of these grounds was used, any children born to the couple were rendered illegitimate as a penalty, but the parties were permitted to remarry. Additionally, a couple could be granted a separation because of adultery, sodomy, or physical violence. However, in this case the couple would not be permitted to remarry. The final option for a couple in 1800’s England was to obtain a separation and then sue the other spouse for adultery. In this option, a spouse successful in the adultery lawsuit would eventually be granted a divorce by Parliament and the couple’s children would not be considered illegitimate. While this final option afforded the best result, it was nearly impossible for anyone to achieve; lawsuits were extremely expensive so it eliminated the option for most people.

Caroline Norton’s crusade for divorce rights could be the subject of its own lengthy essay, however the main point is that she singlehandedly changed the landscape of separation and divorce. In a time where married women were low on the totem pole, children were the property of their father, and the Church controlled marriage and divorce, Norton’s peaceful crusade resulted in legislation which allowed for women’s property rights, custodial rights over children, and most of all, divorce.

Reading through details of the evolution of divorce legislation in England is extremely intricate and detailed, but then I dug a little deeper for some American history on divorce. Interestingly enough, America has its first recorded divorce in 1643 – about 200 years before Caroline Norton’s crusade! Anne Clarke, who lived in the Massachusetts Bay Colony, was granted a divorce by the Quarter Court in Boston after her husband abandoned her for another woman and refused to return home. Denis Clarke admitted in a signed affidavit that he had left his wife for another woman with whom he also had children. Denis also stated his refusal to return to his wife. With this, the Court essentially had no choice but to grant a divorce to Anne Clark and stated in the final order that it was due to the abandonment by her husband and his refusal to be with her.
Continue Reading

The holiday season is usually filled with joy as well as lots of stressful activity planning all the festivities. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have some helpful reminders (“Tips”) to aid families dealing with a divorce or separation process to manage the additional emotional stress? Having a plan in place incorporating the following three tips would help make the holiday season enjoyable for everyone, children and adults, alike.snow-1126676-m.jpg

Number One Tip is to focus on the children. They need to be reassured that they are special and that this is a season for celebration. Children will want to be with both their parents and family members. So planning time together with children may be tricky. It is integral to make sure that the schedule is concrete and set ahead of time. If a parenting schedule has not yet been created, parents should sit down and work to make something that works for both parties and, most of all, for the children. If tensions tend to run high, parents can work with a collaborative attorney or mediator or parenting coordinator to set a schedule. When everyone has set expectations of where they are to be and when, everyone can then have the time to enjoy the time with their loved ones.

Something else to keep in mind is whether or not this is the children’s first holiday season with two households. The transition into a two-family household can be easier if a parenting schedule has been made. Children will most likely find the transition easier if they not only know when and where they will be spending holidays, but also have time to understand and to spend other holiday time with the other parent. The transition from one household for specified events to another household becomes less emotional and confusing when a plan is followed.
Continue Reading

Contact Information